Long overdue follow-up update

I have just done import from my old Xanga blog which I could no longer update.

It’s been “4 years” that I last updated my blog.  I used to have http://www.shwesue.com hosted in xanga which I wrote most frequently back in early 2010.  Then very much less frequently in 2011, and just one last post in Feb 2012 which is now almost 4 years ago.

It’s like a big chunk of my life went undocumented if you just look at this blog alone. (If I think about it, it wasn’t being documented elsewhere either.) When I read my past posts again, it was like walking down the memory lane and I liked it. So I’m going to continue writing this blog for my future self. I enjoyed having visitors on my blog before and  I used to write just for them. But this time, I’m gonna write mostly for my own — my future self.

Let’s say if I lost my memory like those characters from “Remember Me” by Sophie Kinsella or “What Alice Forgot”  by i-dun-remember-who,  I could always come and look at this blog (that is, if I  still remember I had one) and jog my memory. If I woke up one day with all my memory wiped, I wonder how I’m gonna cope with that.

I’m currently watching “Orange is the new Black” series. I like Papilon before and I’m enjoying this series, albeit their misery.  Just before yesterday,  I was watching “Pretty Little Liars” and I grew tired of never getting to know the answer behind every mystery. I am not good with suspense — I always like to know the explanation, it drives me nuts to watch things unexplained, be it in the series or in real life. This is the reason why I love closure, resolution,  basically knowing things.

“N” at home is back from home country today. He was gone two weeks, basically since the beginning of new year 2016.  My boss “A”  is also arriving today here, for his permanent relocation, well at-least for 2 years.  He has claimed Monday as “Office-Free day” so we are not supposed to go in on Monday. So, I will see him and his family on Tuesday.

The series about women in prison is very much interesting. It’s a whole different world where things we wouldn’t normally know about are all happening and you got to have it all together on your own because otherwise you’re going crazy.

I’m excited that this week is almost over because tomorrow is weekend. But I don’t feel good because I was not productive this week. Well, I have not been productive for weeks and this is going to end next week. I’ll be busy. I’ll be kept busy.  I hope.

Movies, my friend and me

When it comes to movies, I hardly browse any with my own initiative, i.e, I’d rather someone told me what the storyline is about. And my friend @simplysuzu is right, I like knowing what is going to happen, which is why I love re-playing my favorite ones over and over again and never really get tired of it.

Today, I got tons of movies from her, 99% of which I have never watched before. Whenever she asked me “I believe you have already watched this one? ” my answer would be ‘no’ most of the times. This even we ran through a few movies at her place, and I guess I’m going to enjoy most of them. In fact, I had kept many movies in my HDD for a long time but didn’t bother to browse them or sort them out. She also helped me categorize each and every movie I have on my hard disk. (Thank you, by the way)

Yup, I’m fully-stocked with movies-to-watch at the moment.

Good-bye

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It was Monday, 23 January, 2012.

I woke up in the morning blissfully. Only because I saw Bush was sleeping in my arms. If I remember correctly, he looked better. I was glad that he was recovering. When I came out of my bedroom, he followed. By the time I finished my breakfast, I saw him resting on the living room sofa. I went over there and called him “Bushhhhhhh” .. he even replied with a very delightful ‘meow’ followed by his relaxing sound of purring.

Until that moment, I was keeping my hopes very high. The past 12 days of his severe illness had been extremely tough. But I would put up with anything to keep him alive. I had been nursing him day and night. Having to keep the temperature constantly warm for his low body temperature, I kept changing the hot water bottles, even in the middle of the night. As though it wasn’t enough, I would even wake up from my sleep to heat up the blankets. If there was anyone to check on me at 4am during those days, they would see me ironing. He refused to eat or drink in the earlier days of his serious illness. I had to use a syringe to drop the glucose water into his mouth, drop by drop.

I kept saying to him and more importantly, but not very convincingly, to myself “We will fight this together. Stay strong. ”

In the middle of his illness, I had to take a trip to Upper Burma with my dad. As much as I wished he would miraculously return to the better state of health and wait for my return, in my heart, I also secretly wished not having to witness the agony of his departure so that I could always deceive myself he had either disappeared or ran away. My mom took care of him during my 36-hour absence. It was as though my prayers had been answered — he recovered. When I returned from the trip, he started to eat again. Little by little. It even surprised the vets who did not keep much hopes on him. Gradually, he started going outside to sunbathe himself without any person having to carry him and put on the sunlit spot.

I still kept changing the hot water bottles to keep him warm. I still woke up at intervals, even in the middle of the night, to check on his surrounding temperature and made sure it was nicely warm. Now that my prayers had been answered, I did it thankfully. When I looked into his eyes, I even felt as though he was trying to assure me that he would continue to live. I treasured every single second of us snuggling in bed, or his purring. I adored every sound of his meows. I cherished to see every single step of his graceful cat-walks.

It was the most precious one week in my life because I was at the mercy of Bush’s postponed death.

At around noon of the said date above, I saw frothy saliva coming out from Bush’s mouth whenever he breathed. I called the vet and he prescribed a few medicines to be injected. I was thankful that my parents are vets themselves (only not specialized in domestic species). While my parents went out to buy the prescribed medicine, Bush started getting restless. What I thought minor “just the frothy saliva” was just a symptom of a major problem — his heart failing to pump and his lungs getting filled with liquids. Even though he was given right treatment in time, I guessed his heart and lungs were shutting down, making him impossible to breathe. The way he had to struggle for his last few breaths will permanently be imprinted on my mind. Forever

Only the half prayers of mine was answered — he did recover miraculously even though it only for a short duration; but the other wasn’t — not to witness the pain he had to struggle.

He was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes in the morning and the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes. There’s one quote I liked a lot from the book “The Kite Runner”, written by Khaled Hosseini — “For you, a thousand times over” said by the slave to his master. Yes, I would put up with those interrupted sleeps for a thousand times over …. and over and over again …. if only he were to live again.

I now feel like there is a huge vacuum in my heart.

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To hold on? Or, to let go?

Sometimes, there are things that we know we have to let go gradually.  Yet, we can’t afford to do so because we’ve been holding on too long. It’s never good to get too attached to people or things, and I would add one more to the list  “pets”

I’m a cat person. I can never stand still whenever I see a cat.  The sound of their purr is very pleasing for me. I myself have six cats at home. And of course, there is this cat — my favorite. The closest one to my heart as he always sleeps next to me in my arms.

Don’t be surprised when I tell you he is a very well-mannered boy.  Despite his serious illness, he would still walk to the bathroom to pee and poo. But, at the same time he has this catitude. Every morning between 6 – 7 AM, he would meow until I wake up and feed him. If I just close my eyes again, he would jump on my bed, step forward then scratch my chin to wake me up. He doesn’t like when I dance in front of him, especially wearing shorts. He would just bite my ankle, knee or thigh, whichever is reachable from where he is.

He was born on Thursday 31st October, 2002 and is now over n 9 years old. If he were a human boy, he would still be in his childhood. But the average life span of male indoor cats being 12 – 14 years, he’s pretty much an old cat now. Lately, he’s been suffering from various respiratory tract problems and I’ve been sending him to the clinic almost every day for the past 3-4 months. The vet said there are complications with his diseases. When one problem goes down, another came up. In short, his immune system or internal defense mechanism has been deteriorating and therefore keeps getting one sickness after another.  Most of the time, he would just bounce back. He’s been fighting until now.

One thing I know, he won’t be there for long. 
But, I keep whispering him to hang in there.
I keep nursing him … the best way I know how.
I keep telling him and myself that we will fight this together.

Not everything is replaceable.  No living thing is.
I could have another cat. But none will ever have the same personality like his, the same bonding we’ve built in-between, or the same manners.

I know it’s about time to let go …….
I just can’t. Not yet. No amount of time will ever make me ready.
Cause I’ve been holding on …… way too long.

Fashion: a thing I never had any clue about.

One of my closest friends, named CZ,  runs a fashion business. It is called C Zin’s collections.
She goes overseas every now and then to shop and stock up for her fashion outlets.

Another closest friend of mine, Su Zu, who’s also on xaga, @simplysuzu is interested in taking up photography.
She’s extraordinarily good at grahpic design and photoshop as well.

There is this friend, called IG, @shorea_robusta whom I got to know through Su Zu, is exceptionally good at modelling
And I ….also ….  love …. modelling, too (of course, for fun) nothing professional.

You guessed it right.
There was this one day in late November, when we all organized an amateur fashion photoshoot, just at my place.
The photos were solely intended for advertising on the shop’s Facebook page.
Getting more people to know about my friend’s business.

Apart from sharing those on Facebook, I thought I’d also share it here so that whoever pass by would browse some of our snapshots.
Well … I guess maybe I am just bragging about it cause I have nothing better to do at this moment.

There was one very good thing for me about the photoshoot session — I get the opportunity to try the various styles of dresses on.
Well, it might not seem a big deal for much girls.  But trust me, I never knew how to dress myself up. I don’t even know how to shop and what to shop.
And my ward robe would only have a handful of simple outfits.
It was like I almost saw the ‘new’ me. Or, me I could become if I dress up in a different way.

Here they are. Enjoy