I want my future self to like current me

It has been indeed very long that I have not written here. I have been disconnected with myself, and things I said I wanted to do. I have purchased my own domain name for 1 year on WordPress since a few months ago, yet I delayed my first post for many reasons, one of them is probably just my huge habit of procrastination.

Today I was walking down my memories lane, through photos, through emails with a friend, and I saw my growth.  I have no issues with how I look in the photos (past or present), but I did not like the reflection I saw on the notes that I sent to my friend.

I just wish I was ‘easier’ on myself, on my friends, on my parents, and on my partner. Everything I said or I did had to be so ‘right’ that I did not care how I tend to burn bridges, Ms. Righteous. I lacked empathy totally, I failed to see any other perspective except my own. Not that I’m  able to cultivate empathy so much  right now, but at least I will probably have more understanding and acceptance of myself, others and the differences as well.

Despite everything I had been in the past, I’m so grateful that at least I have been introspective at times, I tend to reflect.  I’m also grateful that I still have the right set of people by my side who stick to me, and who will show me the way. I’m glad that I’m on the right track for adulting, and  want my future self to like me, to thank me. I want to do most things right as much as possible. The areas that I want to see development is in Relationships, Health and Fitness, and Personal Finances.

I want to be able to differentiate what truly matters and what did not. I want to have ability to “let go” for those things that did not matter much.

Social Media Detox

A month has passed by and I have not logged-in to Facebook or Instagram and I note that my metal state is in a far more positive position than when I was using the social media. I do not miss it, so far. I’m learning how to enjoy life without having to prove anybody that I’m indeed having a good life, without yearning for anyone’s approval (in terms of their interactions towards me such as likes and comments, etc) or keeping metal notes of comparison on  who gets whose likes and I don’t. I’m also learning how to actually connect with people I meet, to be actually interested in their lives that they have to share with me.  I’ve also liked the privacy of my own and the power of being in control of what I want to share and whom I want to share with.

I’m also taking more photos — so much more — of the food I eat, of the places I go, of the people I hang out with and without the intention of uploading and showcasing them to people, I now just take the photos for the sake of having the memories.

Figuratively speaking, if scrolling through FB newsfeed or Instagram was like taking a stroll around your neighbourhood, picking up on negativity is like picking up any trash along the way — who wants to pick up trash and keep with us? But apparently, I might have been doing exactly that in the past — picking up trash and storing inside me and being ill from the trash I had picked up without realising it.   Not being active on social media has also freed up a lot of my time which I now better use at reading while on commute and before I sleep.

I’ll admit my life is pretty quiet without the updates from the social media and I’m not up-to-date with my friends’ current events. But I don’t seem to care that much because if any of those events of my friends’ are worth updating, they are now done in a private message, in person or verbally, which I want to care more than a Facebook update. As for the current affairs, even everyone tends to forget it after some time anyway, why waste time being part of that ?

This note is for me to read it again, just in case, I tend to have relapse to the addiction social media when I decide to activate my FB account.

Olympus Pen E-PL8

I blogged less than 5 times in 2016 including this post, I guess. At the beginning of 2016, I was thinking I would go out and get more pictures of myself taken regularly as I also love photo modeling. Turned out, it only happened once.

Well for next year, my resolution is to take more pictures whether it is me in it or otherwise. For that, I bought a camera. It is Olympus Pen E-PL8 and I’m absolutely in love with it.

I went for a great trip in November 2016, with a group of friends to an exotic place, Maldives, and I didn’t have as much good pictures as I would have liked. Both my husband and I were really enjoying during the trip and also we were a bit too lazy to try getting good pictures during the limited time we stayed at the resort.

I’m going on another trip with my friend in January, oh she’s a better photographer than my husband is to me 😁.  For this coming trip I’m not going to be taking most of the photos with my iphone. I’ll have my new camera with me — and it has functions like a smart phone, only with better imaging and post-picture processing.  With its wi-fi function, I can immediately import photos to my phone and share them on social media instantly. My husband’s camera lacked this function so I always had to use my computer whenever I wanted to upload the photos he had taken with his camera. So it’s a huge plus point for me and I’m so excited for our upcoming trip !!!

Today is Saturday and my husband and I were supposed to be out shooting Christmas lights and decoration in downtown. It was agreed 2 weeks ago, even before I decided to buy a new camera. I wanted to have a photoshoot with Christmas lights background. But his work came up — he had to go to work past mid-night. While he still offered me to go for photo shoot, deep down, i knew that he wanted to rest before he left for work. His work is from 2 am to 4 am (some data migration thing I have no comprehension and interest in). Even though I really wanted to go out and not only have my photos taken with the decorations also take test shots with my brand-new camera which just got delivered this morning, I gave in (it is rare, so i’m hereby documenting it)  without him having to request.

So, anyway, i thought i would just stay up late and browse internet and play around with my new camera.

OMG, I’m so much in love with it.

Below is a picture that I took and edited with my camera itself and imported to my phone to share within this post.  I know, I need eye-cream now.

I can’t wait. I just can’t wait. For the test shoot, and for my upcoming trip with girlfriend =D

 

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This post was posted by WordPress App from my phone. When I viewed it from computer i could see that the pictures are still good for desktop view.

Update for myself

The last post I wrote was in January 2016.

I’m now asking myself; “What the hell happened to all your resolutions?”

I made a resolution on a few things:

  • To get to work early (like 8:45 am).
  • To pray regularly.
  • To read more books
  • To take more photos

That did not last quite long. At least, I was not consistent. I have been leaving home for work at 9:00 AM (let alone reach there at 8:45 AM).

I have not been praying regularly either. I mean I do say prayers maybe 3 times a week, but not consistently every day.

Well, in my defense, I did not declare them as my new year resolutions. They were just my mental notes to do better in 2016 and apparently I’ve failed. Well, I think I’d better put it  “I’m still trying”

But hey, I still have a good 7 more months to go – 7 months is a majority, right?

Also about photo shoot. I intended to take one photo a week and it happened only once so far!  Hmmph.

I haven’t been reading lately either. But I’m planning to buy a bookshelf which will allow me to have more books (now I’m currently reading on my kindle, but I prefer buying books and owning my favorite books in hard copies).

I’m also getting sick of my habit for always checking browsing FB.  Facebook is so addictive. It is getting even more addictive than it was  6-7 years ago.

Well … that’s all about my random jumbled thoughts for now.

Week 2 – rekindled love?

My husband (then boyfriend)  and I used to have a passion for photography which worked out so well for us. He used to  love photography and I modelling.  He used to be my favorite photographer until my friend picked up her professional camera. Back then he was a student, so he had more time for photography until he eventually graduated and got a full-time job.

Our weekends in 2015 mainly consisted of lazing around the house watching TV shows in bed and eating out when hungry. And I thought it would be nice to do an activity we both love to do together, apart from playing cards and watching TV shows.  I also wanted to take more pictures of myself before I, well,  grow older — when posing in front of the camera and posting portraits on social media is  no longer considered appropriate for my age; I don’t know when it will be but it will definitely come one day!   I also want to  collect good pictures of myself throughout the year,  not just iphone selfies.

I wanted to have a small photo shoot  each week. Nothing fancy — just self portraits. And maybe some  #ootd photos for instagram. I thought of posting a photo (or two or as many as I think is good) on my Facebook page each week. I am not sure if I can keep up with that, and also I’m not sure if my husband (who is going to be my main photographer throughout the year) can keep up with that. But the first one photo shoot turned out to be pretty good than expected given  that the photographer and I had a little friction and argument right before and yesterday.

I’ve also been maintaining my skin so well and I’m also using good make-up products. My skin in the photos  were mainly retouched for imperfections. But this morning, the only thing I used to cover up my face imperfections was just a good concealer. Hubby is not patient in retouching photos and I just don’t know how to use Photoshop.  So here it goes.

 

I’m very much happy with my makeup

Except, my eyelids could have been a little less puffy.  But I’m good.

DSCF2740

Whole body portrait for my #ootd

Okay, we couldn’t go further. The photo session happened just at the children’s playground next to our apartment blocks.  I’m glad that my outfit is grey scale so that it doesn’t clash with the colorful background.

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My favorite photo of the shoot

I posted this photo on my Facebook timeline. I even kinda got mad when one of my former colleague/friend implied that it was photoshopped.  Well, he was just probably trying to annoy me like he used to before.

DSCF2749

 

Here are the rest

 

 

I have to say our first photo shoot went well. I made it happen with what I have without shopping for anything new, although I can’t guarantee that it will still be the case in next coming weeks 😉 If I plan to do it weekly for the rest of the year,  I’m gonna run out of clothes to wear, places to go and ideas to pose (not that I’m a good poser).

I didn’t think of blogging about it until I talked to my friend this morning and I thought it would be a good idea to keep it written even if I don’t continue to do so about the rest of the  photo shoots.

Note:  there wasn’t a week 1, because this is the first time we did it. I’m gonna name them according to the calendar weeks!